Is asking for help a sign of weakness?
There's this Persian proverb which says "One hand can't make a sound" (Repeat after me: Yek dast, sedaa nadaareh); It means you can't get things done singlehandedly. However, I say you can, but you shouldn't. Please, allow me to elaborate.
I am reading one of the greatest books I’ve ever read written by the amazing “Rachel Hollis” called “Girl, Stop Apologising” - which many of you have probably read - or at least I hope you’ll read it after reading this blog.
At some point she speaks about something that felt really close to my heart. She talks about a behavioural habit that as an ambitious and motivated person we should all adopt: Asking For Help.
This used to be a huge problem for me when I first started working for myself. As an entrepreneur and a business owner, I thought if I ask for help , it means that I am not capable of running my own business. I thought if I ask for help, it’s a sign of neediness and desperation and incapability.
So I tried always to handle everything on my own, I tried to juggle so many balls in the air at the same time, thinking this is me being strong and this is THE way that all successful people went through.
Well, in short: It’s not! Nobody (I insist, N.O.B.O.D.Y!!) does it single handedly.
My therapist told me so, and now Rachel Hollis told me so. So now I feel responsible to tell YOU so:
Woman! Zan! You need to delegate some stuff in order to get shit done. If you need to attend a meeting for your small business, you need to ask someone to take care of your baby , if you have any. If you want to go and check some location for your upcoming event, and your house is a mess, or the chicken is defrosting on the counter top, you have to ask someone, either your partner, or friend or neighbour to help you with it. I don’t care who it’d be. You can and you should ask for help.
I used to proudly whine to my friends about the fact that I do everything myself. I designed my works, I made them, I developed my website, I managed my social media, I recorded and edited podcasts, I did this I did that. But it was wrong. Why? because all of them would remain un-finished business.
Nowadays even though I still CAN do everything by my own, I delegate. I ask for help. and I am still practicing. Because this used to be my mindset: nobody would volunteer to help and me. Asking them would only put me in an awkward position. “What would they think about me?” I wondered. I worried if others see my asking for help as a sign of audacity or desperation. - does this feel familiar to you?
But I don’t feel and think like that anymore. “How?” I hear you ask. Well, besides a couple years of therapy, I also worked on my vision, values and lifestyle.
I now know what I want, and I believe in it. So if others don’t believe in it, it’s not my problem. Another thing I did and do, is surrounding myself with people (especially women) who encourage me, not discourage. This is very crucial y’all. Eliminate people who constantly make you doubt yourself and keep those who are genuinely there for you, who believe in you.
When you believe in something, it means that you KNOW it, you know it works, you know the way towards it working. Simple as that.
All you need to do now, is to work towards it, find your tribe, ask them for help and get it done!
Now I’m gonna ask you for help: please share this with your friends, because I am sure, a lot of women out there need to hear this.
You spreading the word will only give us more energy and motivation to move faster.
From the “Girl, stop apologising” book:
Madeleine Albright once said, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Well, I say, there’s a special place in hell for women who have the luxury of assistance but won’t admit to other women that they do.
- Hollis, Rachel. Girl, Stop Apologising (Girl, Wash Your Face)
Buy the book on Amazon - Click Here